Struggling today more so than ever with a negative monologue with myself. I am overwhelmed. Stretched real thin. Trying to maintain my recovery, be the best mommy, be a sassy girlfriend, be a loyal friend, work hard with passion, and stay sane….it’s a balancing act. What do you during these times???? I am open to suggestions. It seems to me that when my anxiety hits my insecurities take over. I sincerely cannot imagine all of my negative self talk on a daily basis.
For example, tomorrow I have a very important exam. I have to take this exam so that I can become a Certified Recovery Specialist. This is a very important personal and professional goal of mine. I have extreme test anxiety. I also have not taken an exam since college which was over 10 years ago. Today started off with…You are not smart enough. You are too old to retain knowledge. You will indefinitely fail. Even if you study you won’t pass. You won’t sleep tonight so you won’t perform well on the exam. You are going to disappoint everyone. When taking the exam you will take up too much time and won’t be able to finish. You will completely draw a blank when taking the exam. Now all this negativity and this only pertains to the exam! I haven’t even highlighted all the other harsh things I say to myself daily. All of this negativity is exhausting!
I have to remind myself of the following: I will do my best. Doing my best is enough. I am enough. I am a perfectionist and that is not realistic or positive. I will study. I will go early. I will be prepared. I am human. It is not the end of the world if I do not pass it.
I will not use under any/all circumstances no matter what. Pass or Fail. Good or Bad. Happy or Sad.
If you or someone you know has insecurities that link into low self esteem and drug abuse please contact us today. We can help. We have real life experience. We have walked the walk. (717) 454-3100.